99 CENT STORE ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES

Friends,

Normally I only post soul/funk/jazz stuff on here, but this is just too funny not to share. Bare with me.

You see, dear readers, back in the late twentieth century we had things called "land lines," which referred to your home telephone line. When we moved into the Haynes Street house in 2003, we were assigned a "home telephone number," which, in the age of cellphones, was rarely used. We mostly just kept it going for emergencies and for the internet/DSL line.

We noticed quickly after we moved in that the phone would ring fairly often--random calls from people asking for the "99 Cent Store." We'd all look at each other confused, but after another good 20-30 phone calls, we realized that a 99 Cent Store had either a) once had our same number, or b) the phone company had the wrong number listed for the 99 Cent store. Either way, neither Mac nor I felt like doing anything about it. Let THEM fix it.

Needless to say, these calls were a source of endless entertainment. Sometimes we'd pick up the phone (as a fictional 99 cent store employee) and have conversations with them; sometimes we'd ignore the calls. Sometimes they'd call at night, some on lazy Sunday afternoons, and, others at 2 or 3 in the morning. Sometimes, when people asked for the address of the store, we'd tell them that we were located on the corner of Riverside and Sepulveda (an intersection that doesn't exist here in LA, but ALMOST does. LA people will know what I mean.) Anyway, mostly we'd just laugh. It was all harmless fun. The months (and years) rolled on, and it just became a staple of life at Haynes Street.

Knowing all this: I am sharing with you the two very best voicemails people left (for the 99 Cent Store) from our house. At one time, we had about a collection of about 10-12 phone calls; unfortunately, these were the only two that survived.

Message #1: An infuriated woman calls complaining about the store's seemingly misprinted (or misread) "9 days a week" policy. (Right in the middle of her rant, the machine cuts her off. My favorite part.)

Message #2: The cashier didn't give him his change. Simple. (Hello? Hello Hello? Damn, she gave me everything but my mothafuuuucking moneeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy)

These get funnier and funnier the more you think about them and hear them, and I just hope they make you all laugh as much as they did us. They couldn't have been written any better. Big ups to Mac and Nate for saving these before they were lost.

The volume's a tad low, so make sure you can hear 'em proper. Enjoy. They start about :07 in.